Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Word Vomit

Please excuse me for a moment,
whilst I word vomit all over you.
There's refreshments on the back table
and a lil mood music for your ear holes to partake in.
You're welcome.
Let us begin.

What in the hell am I doing? During the course of the last few days, I seem to have this thought at least twice every two seconds, give or take. Since "the event," my brain-brain's been in sleep mode. However, this weekend I woke up to find it all swirly twirly. Apparently, it just needed to reboot for a month plus. Now it's ready to come out and play. It's not totally fixed, but it at least wants to bring some things to light.

For example, my brain-brain doth say, the stack of library books sitting on your desk? Yeah, they be overdue by at least two months and maybe you should drop them off and beg for forgiveness and leniency. Oh and you know those kids who claim you have to fed, bathe, and protect them, well two of them have birthdays in a month and maybe you should get on that. P.S. No one can find clean socks. Oh and....

Me thinks you get the point.

A billion-trillion thoughts are being thrown at me, begging me to remember I have a life and I should probably get back to living it instead of just going through the motions.

What my brain-brain really wants to get back to is the writing thing. But on that front, it's even more confused. I keep starting and stalling multiple projects. It's like I have a hundred half eaten chocolate bars lying around my house. Frankly, it's shameful.

Do I start editing Fluff, Nonsense, & Other Emo Crap? And if so, how do I fight down the feeling that it is all crap, not to mention, that I'm doing it all wrong?

Or do I focus on editing something smaller, like the not so flash fiction story I wrote for Anna Meade's long over fairy contest?

Or do I keep working on that freaky dream I had the other morning?!

Or do I start writing book three, inspired by the song of awesome, lies, and my new found love of horror movies!?!

Or do I look into five sentence fictions?

Or do I join another flash fiction contest?

Or do I finish my 22 Things post?

Or do I finally start the Lucky 7 Meme post?

Or do I.....

I think you get the picture.

Meanwhile, I struggle to even find the time to focus on any one of these questions, let alone decide where to start (see need for clean socks & kids who believe I'm their slave). This maelstrom of madness has left me at a standstill. I long to take part in the fantastic new community of writers I've recently met, I long to edit my purdy lil novel, I long to write something new, I long to simply know what the heck I am doing, what I should be doing, but the answers aren't coming and I'm getting all squirmy wormy inside.

In the end, I know I need to take a deep breath, stop the insanity, batten down the hatches, and get to work. I know the answer is hidden somewhere in the black cavern that is me brain space. Or maybe I just answered it...

The real question just might be,
will I allow all this to stop me 
or can I pull it together just long enough to get 'er done?

As I sit here in a quiet house,
my thoughts tumbling over themselves,
I realize I need to find balance, focus, and let some things go.
I know I can't do it all, even though I'm desperate to.
But what do I let go and where do I start...
Dang it.
I've come full circle.


  1. I feel like that a lot, even though I haven't been through what you just have...I certainly understand that squirmy wormy feeling! Good luck choosing, I'm brilliant at procrastination, so must get back to my own craziness...and decide what I'm going to do too!
    Take it slowly, do something small and build up to something big!

    1. The squirmy wormies are the worst! I'm really not a procrastinator. I'm mainly do all the things NOW kind of person, which is my own special brand of insanity.
      I totally need to slow down, take it one thing at a time. I've already received some direction today!
      Thanks for commenting!!

  2. You can do them all. You just can't do them all this minute! Calm down, take a breath and remember, if you have young children, you have a whole lifetime ahead of you to write. Choose at random 3 projects that you want done in xx amount of time. The ones you pick at random will be the ones your brain secretly wants to do most.
    Good luck, except you don't need it because you are already awesome :)

    1. You are awesome. And your advice is ever so helpful. I love the idea of picking three projects. I've already started one! Thank you so much for commenting and your advice!

      p.s. you are right about the kids thing. I've got four ages 12-4. If there is one thing I've learned over time, it's that writing is always there for me, but my time with my kids, well that's limited.

  3. Hey Ang, I know exactly how you feel. I have so many passions that I often find myself sitting there trying to decide which to work on and then end up doing nothing. Hang in there and don't be so hard on yourself. Have some fun and do what feels right for that moment!

    1. I'm so glad to hear I'm not the only person, when faced with a million different projects, who feels unable to move. I do believe the key is to make sure you are having fun! And it's always nice to be reminded to stop stressing and just have fun.

      THANK YOU!! *hugs*

  4. Wow Ang, You are in the same place I am. Funny I didnt see you here. Must be all the STUFF going on! LOL. I get lost in projects I'd like to do and have to put them on the calendar in date order. That seems to help. But I have kids also and their time demands are very fluid. Just remember you're doing great and there are folks here to cheer you on when you worry you're putting out crap. I dont see any crap. You're wonderful. Keep your chin up :D

    1. Thank you so much! I'm both excited and dreading the summer. I did basically write a whole novel while the kids were on summer break, but I get this impression they want me to entertain them more this summer. ;)

      I wrote a schedule out for myself a few months ago, but that got blow to bits when everything went haywire. I need to sit down and make a plan. I know it will help me feel more in control and less insane.

  5. Ang, loved this post. You are a very talented writer! Now to the truth, can you take it girl? Brace yourself. You can't do it all. No one can. I'm old enough to be your mother and I've chased my tail trying too. Can't be done. I wish someone had told me that years ago before my battery ran this low. But you can slow down do what you can, when you can and enjoy the things you do. As you grow older the years will pass faster and you will wish you had enjoyed the time more not tried to cram more tasks into the time. That's my zen for the day. Write a story for your kids, dance with your loved one and laugh a lot. Oh and thanks so much for stopping by my blog.

    1. Thank you. Just thank you for this beautiful comment.
      I definitely need more zen in my life and I am determined not to regret any time I waste worrying and being too busy to be there for my kids. They truly are my life. Writing, with all its joys and excitement, is a distant second to my family.
      And I'm oh so grateful for your advice.


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