June: Where Did You Go, Boo?

Somehow it is the last week of June. Not sure how, but the calendar assures me it’s a fact.

Time is relentless. And as I sit here thinking back on the first six months of 2019, it’s all too easy to focus on what’s gone wrong and what I haven’t been able to achieve. So I hope you'll humor me while I look back on the last six months and twist these negative thoughts into positive ones.

1. Of Lies and Zombies turned one!

Topping the list is the book that made me an author times two. There have been moments in the past when I’ve allowed myself to believe only publishing two books over the last decade is some kind of failure. Lately I have been embracing the idea that not only is publishing one story (be it a short story or a fan fiction or a full-length novel) an amazing achievement but writing a story from start to finish is noteworthy too. Every writer who has achieved this goal should take a moment to pat themselves on the back and realize they’ve accomplished something big.

Wherever you are on your writing journey know what you’re working on is worthy and you have achieved so much. Keep moving forward. Write the words. Work toward the goal. You are awesome.

2. Blogging again is a joy.

Getting back into book blogging after years of floundering is so much stinking fun. Sharing my favorite books and talking about the authors I heart is something I have missed. Ultimately it doesn't matter if others think it's a waste of time or believe it's not what authors should be doing. I'm an author. It's what I'm doing. Making it a thing authors do. Fancy that.

3. It’s been a good bookish year (so far).

This year (so far) has been an awesome reading year. I have primarily been reading young adult novels. And why not? I’m a young adult author. The idea that I should be ashamed of my reading habits is so strange. The need to prove myself to other authors and readers (that I am not just writing fluffy, silly kid stories) is a pressure I put on myself and need to let go. I heart young adult novels. I do not think I’m too old for them. And I read and write young adult novels because I enjoy them. Case closed.

4. I haven’t told someone not to read my books in a long time.

If you’ve followed my publishing journey over the last three and a half years, you know I have this terrible habit of telling people not to read my books. Why? It's complicated.

But I can report that while the urge to slap my book out of a reader's hands is still a daily struggle, I am much more relaxed about it. And instead of telling people not to read my books, I simply say thank you when they mention it to me. Progress. Imagine that?

5. This is me. This is my struggle.

Welcome to the party.

I am not a fan of social media. Large group settings (even online) are exhausting. I dislike sharing my thoughts on social media and struggle to feel like what I say online is important or interesting.

This is me. This is what I struggle with. In the past, when these feelings have overwhelmed me, I have disappeared: no tweets, no Instagram posts, no book promotions, no blog posts, nothing. How it comes across I can venture to guess, but the reality is I hide because I am uncomfortable and unsure.

Some might think I’m making this up. Others might think I’m just quirky. The reality is everything I share online feels like a tiny piece of myself I am giving away. And don’t even get me started on publishing my books.

So why do it? Why does it matter? How do I turn this one into a positive?

Let's take these one at a time:

Why do I do this? Because I wrote two books. And I have so many more inside of me.

Why does it matter? Because I care.

How do I turn this into a positive? Keep moving forward despite my desire to give up and hide.

Because one day I will regret hiding. None of these things make me weak. None of these things make me broken. We all struggle. Even if we don’t want to admit it. And deep down we all hope someone will see us and tell us what we do matters.

But what if we decided we mattered to ourselves? What if we did the things not because someone else validated our work, but because we decided our work is important and good? What if we moved forward no matter the pressure of the status quo or our irrational thoughts?

These are my positives. These are the things I'm taking with me into the second half of this year. And I hope you too can believe that you matter, that your work matters, and that we all can and will do the things.