October: Things A Broken Tooth Will Teach You

My tooth broke in August.

How broken is my tooth? Well, there’s a hole in my tooth where a filling used to be, a crack that goes into my gum-line, and a piece of my tooth flaps (which, for the record, is not a thing a tooth should do). Plus, there’s a sharp piece that stabs my tongue every thirty minutes like clockwork.

In my non-professional opinion I would call my wonky tooth broken-broken. My dentist agrees.

How did I break my tooth? The simple answer: a French fry.

Having a broken tooth is fascinating. There are so many things we take for granted. One of them simply being able to eat. With a broken tooth snacking holds no appeal. And certain foods that I normally adore (e.g. baby carrots) are a hard pass.

Eating in public is a no since I have to fish food out from the hole in my tooth the moment I’m done eating. Sometimes even mid-bite. And there’s nothing like biting down and feeling your tooth push out of place. It’s an experience, to say the least.

For the most part it’s not too painful. Though there have been moments when I’ll breathe in and wish I never had to breathe again. Or a piece of pepper will get stuck in the hole in my tooth and the nerves in my face will yell: WHY DID YOU DO THAT, DUMMY?!

Having shared all this, I am not down about my tooth. In fact, I hesitate to even bring it up. Yet, with all the drama, heartache, broken things, and overwhelming adulting this year has brought our family’s way, my broken tooth has brought things into a clearer perspective. It’s made me thankful for things like eating and breathing without pain, having the means to get my tooth fixed (next week!), and for a family that understands when I need a moment to disappear to pluck food out of my tooth or just be sad that my tooth is freaking broken.

A broken tooth will teach you who truly cares about you. A broken tooth will show you what’s a real priority versus a manufactured crisis. A broken tooth will force you to slow down, make better eating choices, and chew your food carefully.

This month I applied these lessons to more than just my tooth. This month I took a deep breath, a step back, and took a hard look at my priorities and goals. Which has oddly made me grateful for my broken tooth.

Life is such a weirdo. 

September: A Month Of Good Things

Autumn is upon us.

For some it’s a harbinger of doom. A time to dread, autumn snatches away the golden days of summer, offering nothing but cold, dreary days without joy. To others it’s a time to celebrate scarves and pumpkin spice, boots and rom-coms, cooler weather and holiday goodness to come.

To me, autumn has always been about family. A time when—despite the hustle of life—we have opportunities to slow down and be together: carving pumpkins, baking pies, watching movies. As the desert attempts to free itself of hot nights and even hotter days, autumn offers hope.

Last year around this time I did not embrace hope. I allowed myself to drown in a sea of self-doubt and despair. Focusing on all the wrong things, I was controlled by every single one of my negative feelings and thoughts—my autumn joy stolen.

If there’s one thing life has taught me it's that hope is fragile.

Being a positive person might appear easy to those standing outside looking in. But let me assure you, it is not. Every second must be a driving force toward seeking the positives in life. No matter how small and fragile they may feel.

At times, it feels like a foolish endeavor—backhanded comments people make can leave you feeling silly, impractical, lacking. In these moments I am learning to accept others' opinions of me as just that: opinions. Their assumptions of what they *think* it means to be a positive person. Not reality.

This September I struggled with doubts and fears. Just as I did last year. The difference is I embraced my positives without shame, tuning out the misconceptions.

Instead, I talked about the books I love and acknowledged that while there are some who think my bookish taste is childish and silly, that’s their problem not mine. I revised Magic Story Of Magic and accepted the fact that it’s a love story—plain and simple. It won’t change the world and some might think it’s ridiculous. That’s okay. It’s mine and I love it. I slowed down and ignored the comments about how great it must be to be a stay-at-home mom with so much free time on my hands. My family knows how hard I work and I know how hard I work too. That’s all that matters. I embraced my love of mismatched socks and young adult books and didn’t feel the need to hide the fact that I still long to be Rainbow Brite. My age has never dictated what I do, say, or love. So why start now?

But mostly I took a step back and thought about what is important to me: being honest or being what everyone thinks I should be?

September was a good month filled with doubts and struggles and fears. It taught me once again that life isn’t perfect and it isn’t fair, but it is good. And the good you have to fight for. A lesson I learned long ago from my friend Ashley Morgan. It’s a lesson I’ll continue to learn day in and day out.

Happy autumn, friends. I hope it brings you joy. No matter how big or small that joy might be, I hope it gets you through the cold dreary days ahead filled with pumpkin spice everything and all the holiday hustle and bustle life brings your way.

August: Read. Read. Read.

August was a good reading month. A month filled with laughter and swoons, heartache and tears. I made new fictional friends and revisited some old ones too. I embarked on epic adventures and wrongs were made right.

What books did I read? I'm so glad you asked!

Here’s a list* of my August reads:

A Conjuring of Light
goodreads

A Conjuring of Light is the last book in V. E. Schwab's

A Darker Shade of Magic series.

And holy hell.

Talk about a wild ride.

Lila Bard is possibly the most infuriating character

I have ever fallen in love with.

And don't even get me started on Holland.

If you're looking for an epic fantasy adventure

pick up A Darker Shade of Magic right meow.

Thank me later.

An Enchantment of Ravens
goodreads

June's OwlCrate book was

Sorcery of Thorns.

Which I adored.

Upon finishing the book,

I decided I had to read Margaret Rogerson's debut novel

An Enchantment of Ravens.

And I'm oh so glad I did.

A quick, romantic read An Enchantment of Ravens

is a fun take on faerie lore.

The Hazel Wood
goodreads

Good gravy!

I don't even know where to begin with this book.

Dark and (at times) terrifying,

this fast-paced read had me hooked from page one.

And now I am DYING to read the sequel.

CAN IT PLEASE BE OUT NOW?!

I NEED TO KNOW THINGS.

Spin the Dawn

goodreads

OwlCrate's July book was Spin the Dawn.

(Yes, it is possible I am obsessed with OwlCrate.)

Boasting a gorgeous cover,

Elizabeth Lim offers a romantic, imaginative world

filled with magic and adventure.

Maia's journey to prove herself and provide for her family

is endearing and heart-warming.

I am looking forward to reading the sequel next summer.

The Darkest Part of the Forest

goodreads

It's just a fact:
I am becoming a diehard fan of Holly Black.

The Darkest Part of the Forest is

my fourth Holly Black book to date.

A standalone faerie novel,

I have already reread parts of this story.
Multiple times.

And I might just have to reread
a little more right about now.

Sorry. Not. Sorry.

In summation: this month was a great reading month. And I’m already looking forward to rereading all these lovely books and the books I plan on reading next month.**

How was your reading month?
Read anything awesome?!
I would love to hear about it!

*side note: I limited this list to the books I counted toward my GoodReads goal. I reread a *few* books, but did not count them toward my goal. I pick up random books, reread them, then forget to add them to my reading goal constantly.

**another side note: How in the world is next month September?!

July: A Month Of Defeats

Everyone struggles in life. It’s just a fact. Maya Angelou warned that “you may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated.” She said “in fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.”

This year one of my goals is to face my defeats, learn from them, and walk away stronger. Part of that path forward includes being honest when I’m struggling and not hiding.

So here’s the truth:

This month I did not meet two important deadlines.

This month I wanted to make a big announcement
but I chickened out.

This month I dropped the ball on marketing.

This month I felt like a failure.

This month I felt like an imposture.

This month I believed what I do doesn’t matter.

This month life defeated me.

Why am I telling you this? Because we all struggle. Most of us silently. Posting happy pictures on Instagram and snarky comments on Twitter is easier than being real, being honest.

Ultimately, what I want to say to every person who drops by this blog is: We got you.

We got you during the good times.

We got you during the hard times.

We got you during the lonely times.

We got you during the hurricane.

We got you during the rainbow.
We got you when you’re defeated.

We. Got. You.

Here you can be honest. Here no one is pretending to be anything other than human. Here we make mistakes but we learn from them. Here we crawl forward. Here there is no judgement. Here there are no comparisons or snide remarks or ignoring each other's pain.

This month I felt defeated.
This month I failed a lot.

But that’s okay.
Because I will rise.
I will know who I am.

And my hope for you is that you too will rise from the ashes of your defeats and know better who you are and what you are capable of.

June: Where Did You Go, Boo?

Somehow it is the last week of June. Not sure how, but the calendar assures me it’s a fact.

Time is relentless. And as I sit here thinking back on the first six months of 2019, it’s all too easy to focus on what’s gone wrong and what I haven’t been able to achieve. So I hope you'll humor me while I look back on the last six months and twist these negative thoughts into positive ones.

1. Of Lies and Zombies turned one!

Topping the list is the book that made me an author times two. There have been moments in the past when I’ve allowed myself to believe only publishing two books over the last decade is some kind of failure. Lately I have been embracing the idea that not only is publishing one story (be it a short story or a fan fiction or a full-length novel) an amazing achievement but writing a story from start to finish is noteworthy too. Every writer who has achieved this goal should take a moment to pat themselves on the back and realize they’ve accomplished something big.

Wherever you are on your writing journey know what you’re working on is worthy and you have achieved so much. Keep moving forward. Write the words. Work toward the goal. You are awesome.

2. Blogging again is a joy.

Getting back into book blogging after years of floundering is so much stinking fun. Sharing my favorite books and talking about the authors I heart is something I have missed. Ultimately it doesn't matter if others think it's a waste of time or believe it's not what authors should be doing. I'm an author. It's what I'm doing. Making it a thing authors do. Fancy that.

3. It’s been a good bookish year (so far).

This year (so far) has been an awesome reading year. I have primarily been reading young adult novels. And why not? I’m a young adult author. The idea that I should be ashamed of my reading habits is so strange. The need to prove myself to other authors and readers (that I am not just writing fluffy, silly kid stories) is a pressure I put on myself and need to let go. I heart young adult novels. I do not think I’m too old for them. And I read and write young adult novels because I enjoy them. Case closed.

4. I haven’t told someone not to read my books in a long time.

If you’ve followed my publishing journey over the last three and a half years, you know I have this terrible habit of telling people not to read my books. Why? It's complicated.

But I can report that while the urge to slap my book out of a reader's hands is still a daily struggle, I am much more relaxed about it. And instead of telling people not to read my books, I simply say thank you when they mention it to me. Progress. Imagine that?

5. This is me. This is my struggle.

Welcome to the party.

I am not a fan of social media. Large group settings (even online) are exhausting. I dislike sharing my thoughts on social media and struggle to feel like what I say online is important or interesting.

This is me. This is what I struggle with. In the past, when these feelings have overwhelmed me, I have disappeared: no tweets, no Instagram posts, no book promotions, no blog posts, nothing. How it comes across I can venture to guess, but the reality is I hide because I am uncomfortable and unsure.

Some might think I’m making this up. Others might think I’m just quirky. The reality is everything I share online feels like a tiny piece of myself I am giving away. And don’t even get me started on publishing my books.

So why do it? Why does it matter? How do I turn this one into a positive?

Let's take these one at a time:

Why do I do this? Because I wrote two books. And I have so many more inside of me.

Why does it matter? Because I care.

How do I turn this into a positive? Keep moving forward despite my desire to give up and hide.

Because one day I will regret hiding. None of these things make me weak. None of these things make me broken. We all struggle. Even if we don’t want to admit it. And deep down we all hope someone will see us and tell us what we do matters.

But what if we decided we mattered to ourselves? What if we did the things not because someone else validated our work, but because we decided our work is important and good? What if we moved forward no matter the pressure of the status quo or our irrational thoughts?

These are my positives. These are the things I'm taking with me into the second half of this year. And I hope you too can believe that you matter, that your work matters, and that we all can and will do the things.

May: A Time Of Reflection And Moving Forward

Next month All The What Ifs will turn three and a half years old, making me a published author for just as long. While my journey down the path of publication hasn’t been picture perfect, I can say without hesitation the decision to publish All The What Ifs was one of the best decisions I have made. Along the way I have learned some things.

Here’s a few:

Publishing a book is not for the weak of heart.

Whether you’re self-published (like me) or traditionally published, committing to publishing a novel filled with little pieces of yourself for the world to judge is terrifying. From the naysayers who will tell you it’s too hard to the people who will avoid you, there will be moments you’ll feel like a fool for even trying. Dark moments when it feels like the only person who cares about your book being published is you and maybe that’s why you should just give up.

And here’s my advice to fellow writers who are struggling right now: Fight harder. You caring matters most. And it’s a worthy reason to work toward publishing a book. So tune out those naysayers, find your tribe, and hold tight to your dream. It’s worthy. You are worthy. Now work your ass off to achieve that goal.

You might want to hide and that doesn’t make you weak.

Being honest with the people in my life about publishing has been a difficult journey. From the people who doubted I could write a coherent sentence (and let me know), to family and friends who would flat-out ignore me when I talked about writing a book, to those who have judged me for my subject matters or the genre I’ve chosen to publish, my default has been to hide my head in the sand and never, ever discuss my books.

Which is a shame, since I love my characters and I’m proud of my books. So here’s more unsolicited advice to any fellow authors out there feeling the desire to hide: Don’t. Pull your head out of the sand, stand up tall and proud, and look the world straight in the face (even if your brain is screaming at you to shove your head back in the sand). Again: keep pushing forward.

You matter. Your book matters. Do the thing.

It’s that simple and that terrifying, my friends. Your book. Your passions. YOU matter. There’s no right or wrong book to publish. There’s no worthy or unworthy story. Twilight is as worthy as To Kill A Mockingbird. Don’t believe I know what I’m talking about? Then don’t take my word for it, here’s a few published authors who agree:

Sylvia Plath: And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.

Neil Gaiman: The one thing that you have that nobody else has is you. Your voice, your mind, your story, your vision. So write and draw and build and play and dance and live as only you can.

Madeleine L’Engle: You have to write the book that wants to be written. And if the book will be too difficult for grown-ups, then you write it for children.

So write, my friends. Write because you love it. Write because you care. Write because only you can tell your story. Don’t worry about the rules. Don’t worry about what people will think or say. Shove aside the voices in your head and all the people around you making you doubt your goals and create a book you are proud of. Then publish the damn thing, one way or another.

Remember: Be you. Warts and all. The world is a better place for it. And your dream is oh-so-very-worthy.

April: A Month Of Planning And Plotting

Of Lies and Zombies turned one-year-old this month! For what feels like forever, I worked hard on writing, editing, and publishing All The What Ifs and Of Lies and Zombies. It sucked up all my writing time and plotting energy. And if I'm honest, completely sapped me.

Yet during that time I had plenty of new story ideas. With my first two books shipped off into the great big world of publishing, it’s time to get back into the swing of exploring new ideas and finishing up current works in progress.

What are these stories? I’m glad you asked!

Magic Story of Magic (a working title): Magic Story of Magic is an adult fiction romance/coming of age story about a young woman named Lily Banks. Magic Story of Magic is a blast to write. It’s rooted in the real world, but filled with impossible magic tricks. It has lame jokes and kissing and to repeat MAGIC TRICKS (a thing I’m having far too much fun writing). The first draft of Magic Story is SO CLOSE to being done. I'll have updates on the cover, book blurb, and more soon!

Something Dumb To Do (the third book of the Richmond High series): The third book in the Richmond High series Something Dumb To Do is Quinn’s story. Told is a present and past switch off, Something Dumb To Do is the story of a girl trying to avoid her parents’ mistakes, while she denies the pesky truth that sometimes the past isn’t what we perceived. The first draft of Something Dumb To Do is roughly halfway complete and will include characters from All The What Ifs and Of Lies and Zombies! But I ain’t sharing who. Something Dumb To Do’s cover is already in the works. It’s so stinking cute, and I can’t wait to share it.

Book Four of the Richmond High series: This book has me in knots already, and I can’t say much about it yet. But here’s what I will share: Ashley Morgan is back but as a secondary character who will play a pivotal role in a high school girl’s life as she faces a major, life alerting decision. Sound familiar? Kind of. And that’s all I will say for now.

I’ve got more ideas in the works (for example an adult fiction with a social media twist and a fantasy story inspired by a Death Cab for Cutie song). I could keep going, but we'd be here for a long time.

Not only have I been plotting new stories, but I am blogging regularly again! There are four new monthly features on Ang Writes: Ang’s Top Five which features five books based on a random theme, a book review of an indie favorite, On My E-reader a shout out to the ebooks I’ve bought but haven’t read yet, and a monthly wrap up that's ever changing.

It’s a year of words, my friends! Reconnecting with the joy of writing just for fun without strings attached or publishing goals looming over my head. It’s amazing and freeing. And I can’t wait to share more with you all soon!

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February: A Complicated Month in Review

This month has been a weirdo and writing a review is a tad difficult.

Let me explain.

On the first day of the month I was battling a cold. The cold had been kicking my butt for a week, no matter how hard I tried to ignore it. Continuing my mission to embrace my too nice, too positive, too cute ways (more on that at a later date) I posted about our adorable coffee calendar on social media. It was Friday (I mused at the time) and come what may, I’d be thankful.

Adorable coffee calendar gets me.

Not long after posting, my mom called with news that someone in our family had committed suicide. I shared a little on Instagram. However, I still believe the most respectful thing I can do on social media for those directly involved is keep my loved one’s name and relationship private. After a loved one dies, dealing with the emotional wreckage left in its wake is challenging. After multiple suicides in my husband and I’s extended family we’ve learned that keeping things private for the sake of those most harmed is the best path forward.

If you or someone you know is struggling with depression
please get professional help. Go here.

Yes, this is not the first time someone in our extended family committed suicide. And no, hearing the news, processing the news, telling our kids never gets easier.

With a cold that would not quit and news of a loved one passing, we (as a family) did our best to embrace moving forward.

Three days later, the flu knocked me out and stayed for an extended visit.

For the next seven days, I had a high fever, a painful cough, a headache that would not quit, and more. I do not remember three whole days of my life. My family took care of me and everything else. I won’t bore you with all the details. But will share this, I still have the damn cough from the flu and I’m over being sick.

Enter a week until my husband and I’s twentieth wedding anniversary—a time of celebration and joy. Yet neither of us was feeling much joy, let alone had the energy to celebrate.

Still stupid sick and with the awful news hanging over our family, I realized I had two choices: embrace the unfairness of life or give in and give up.

Cue a good friend saying something I took to heart. It went a little something like this: “We all face challenges. We all have unfair things happen to us. We all hit speed bumps. That’s life. It’s not fair. But if something (or someone) is important to us, we’ll make it (or them) a priority. If not, it’s something we don’t care about. It’s something we don’t really want.”

Okay. Those weren’t her exact words. But you get the picture.

Those words sang to me. They opened my eyes to a lie I’ve lived. The lie: there are levels of unfairness and suffering. There are people who have a right to be overwhelmed and people (like me) who don’t.

See. Life sucks for all of us. It’s difficult.

But life is also good. So. Very. Good.

We MUST hold on to the good. But it’s a choice. We get to decide who we make priorities. What we make priorities. There’s no real right or wrong. It’s a simple choice.

With our anniversary looming and too much pain and sickness weighing me down, I let it go. Let the sickness run its course. Let my grief be. And let my heart feel joyful over twenty freaking years of marriage to my best friend in the whole world.

Life is complicated. This month didn’t differ from any month before it. And as March looms before me—the month of my dad’s birth and death—I know I have a choice. I can be bitter and angry and think I deserve more. Or I can understand life is messy for all of us and roll with its punches. I can spit in the face of life’s unfairness and choose joy.

And with all the strength I have plus this persistent cough, I am more determined than ever to choose joy.

See ya on the flip-side of March, my friends.
Let's show life we're stronger.

p.s. It snowed in the desert last week.
Which is not unheard of, but isn't normal either.
Tychus was not a fan. Shocker. ;)

January In Review

January is coming to a close. This month has been an excursion in staying consistent and being a cheerleader for myself. Two things I suck at. But I am determined to fake it until I make it. It’s been a quiet, successful month during which I’ve reconnected with my love of book blogging, worked on making my work a priority, and stayed the course even when my brain screamed at me to quit. Here are a few things that kept me sane along the way.

Good Shows

We started watching Brooklyn 99.
Love. Love. Love. All the characters.
Especially Captain Holt.

Good Music
Like Weezer's Teal Album.
Which I'm in love with and have listened to a billion times.

Good Food

I heart soup.
And winter is the perfect season for it.
Here's a quick, easy Ramen recipe our family adores:

And here's a pic from when we made it last week.

As you can see, we skip the cherry tomatoes.
But mushroom broth is a MUST.
We've tried it without and it's not the same.

Good Books

goodreads

As I mentioned in my top five comfort reads post,
Ms. Allen is an author I reread often.
This month I finished Lost Lake for the millionth time.
When I finished the book, I thought about rereading it. True story.
You can check out the other books I read this month on GoodReads.

Good Words
This month I stopped focusing on word count goals and publishing deadlines. I focused instead on a brand new All The What Ifs bonus chapter. A heads up for those of you who’ve read the All The What Ifs bonus chapter in Of Lies and Zombies, the new scene I am working on takes place the day before and is from Ashley’s perspective! And if that wasn't awesome enough, the new scene will be in next month’s newsletter! You. Are. Welcome.

Writing about Ashley and her friends again felt like coming home. It reminded how much I loved writing All The What Ifs and how excited I am to finish the Richmond High Series.

It’s a solid start to a good year. And I’m thankful for it plus looking forward to next month and the awesome to come.

How was your month, my friends?