What if ... I told you I was self publishing?

Four years ago I started writing my third novel.

Three years ago I decided it *might* be the one.

Two years ago I started researching publishing while revising/editing.

One year ago I decided I would self-publish.

Today

I'm proudly,

ecstatically,

nervously,

anxiously,

joyously 

announcing 

I am going to self-publish!

I know there are questions.

What socks are you wearing?*

What's your favorite pie?**
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck?***

Maybe even, oh I don't know:

What's the title of the book?
When will it come out?

What's it even about?

All valid questions.

And it totally makes sense that I would answer them now.

But when have I ever done anything that makes sense?****
Instead

let's have a dance party,

shall we?!

Nooooow,

if y'all will excuse me,

Imma gonna go vom-a-scream.

Peace out.

*Um... that's kind of a creepy question. Maybe stop being a stalker?

**Are you trying to break my brain-brain!?! How could I POSSIBLE pick just one?! 

***ALL OF IT. Duh.

****Never. The answer is never. 

THE PLAN

Last weekend, I decided it was time to get off me arse and get back on the try-to-get-published horse. 

Yup. That, my friends, is an accurate depiction of my first journey down the road to publication. As in, it ended before it even began. Now, I could wax poetic about all the reasons for the start-stall-fail journey I landed in, but I'm not one for agonizing over the past. I'm a clean slate kinda gal. Live and learn, my friends. Or more like flounce about like a loon until ya get it right, but whatevs.

 Blah blah blah.You're bored. I'm bored. Let's get to the point of all this rambling.

I HAVE COME UP WITH THE PLAN!! 

I know. You are wowed by my ingenious (some might even say diabolical) brain-brain. Bask in the wonderment of the brain-brain, ya'll. BASK I SAY!

Oh. I know. I know.

 Any-who. Back to THE PLAN.

I've decided on a three pronged approach. Let me 'splain.

Prong #1: Brush off the good ole MS & grow a pair.

The shameful truth is I haven't touched my lovely manuscript since October. October, y'all! When I realized it had been seven months since I'd even taken a peek, I was floored. 

However, I sorta see this as an opportunity to reread my lil story with a fresh pair of eyes. Furthermore, I have been bashfully seeking out the help of some old and new friends. Two of my BIGGEST failings as a writer are a. not asking my fellow writers/book-lovers for help due to fear and b. not being vocal about what I'm working on. 

In the last week, I've had the opportunity to reach out to some amazing people, both friends and strangers. Their guidance and knowledge is a blessing. I could NEVER thank them properly. From encouragement to pro-tips to critiques, this week has been both overwhelming and awesome.

Prong #2: Learn how to write a query.

For me writing a query is beyond intimidating. Writing the novel? Editing said novel? I sorta get that. Sorta. Please understand, I'm not saying I'm good at it, just that I can wrap my brain-brain around it. 

The query? Not so much. I sent out eight queries in October. Of the eight, I received one partial request, six rejections, and one non-response. Honestly? I know they aren't the best statistic, but that partial not only shocked me, but felt goooood. Let me have my n00b moment, people! 

I know the query needs to be reworked.  Most importantly, I know I need to man-up(*puts on big girl pants*), ask for help (*gulps*), and get to work(*stares at computer screen*). 

Easier said than done, no doubt. Hand holding is going to be key to surviving this. Funny, how ya have to ask for the hand holding, isn't it? *winks*

Prong #3: Look into self-publishing.

This is a new venture for me, because frankly, I've always focused on traditional publishing. Why? Maybe the better question is, why start thinking about it now? This could open up a huge can of worms, so I will keep this as short and sweet as possible.

My reason for wanting to publish traditionally is simple: it's what you do, right? I mean, you write a book, you search for an agent, you get a publishing house to back you, and you're an author. Since I was a kid that's been my secret goal in life. It's not about money or fame or any of that other stuff. If I'm honest, part of it is about proving I'm good enough to get published, that there is someone out there willing to take a chance on lil ole me. Not sure what that says about me, but it is what it is.

Over the last year, I've had the opportunity to meet some amazing authors, the vast majority self-published, who are creating and producing high quality products that wow me. From start to finish, the buck stops at their doorstep, cover art, deadlines, you name it. My respect for them grows with each passing day. 

Financially, I have always believed self-publishing was beyond my reach. Honestly? It still is.Yet, I've decided to put the money thing aside and really give self-publishing a look-see as an option equal to traditional publishing. I mean, why not?

Because after all this musing and plotting and planning, one simple truth has revealed itself to me.

See, I don't want to be a published author for money or fame. No really. I wouldn't turn down the money, but I'm just looking for enough to buy socks. And even though it would be nice to prove myself, truthfully, who gives a damn? The real goal is to connect with someone through my stories. Just like all my favorite authors have reached out to me, I long to connect with someone, to have them fall in love with my characters-- to cry and laugh and maybe, just maybe, be a better person for it.

So, if that's the goal. 

If that's where I'm heading.

 Who cares HOW it happens? 

Just that it happens.

Right?

Ang Talks About Writing A Novel & Has Fun With Gifs

Last night, I put the final (for now) touches on good ole Fluff, Nonsense, & Other Emo Crap. For the record, my wee story doth have an actual name. I've been calling it Fluff & Nonsense for a year and it feels like home. What's the actual title, you ask? Soon, my friends, soon I shall share.

For now, I've got to find ways to occupy the good ole brain-brain while five of my nearest and dearest weed through my madness. I could do the laundry or clean the bathrooms or dust something, but what's the fun in that?

I could do this, but alas, there be no oceans near me.

So here I sit thinking about the writing process and the road to publication. Most published authors have their story up on their blogs or hidden in their FAQ. I've read far too many of them not to be considered a stalker. Who hasn't?

Their stories always begin with I worked really hard and wrote a book and then either a. I knew a guy who knew a guy who knew this agent and BOOM or b. I've landed in every slush pile from here to Timbuktu and after years and years of rejection my amazing super agent took a chance on me and BOOM or c. I decided to take my fate in my own hands and self-published and BOOM.

Just.Like.This.

I like the boom part best. No matter which road an author chooses, every author wants the same thing, an explosion, be it financially or socially or career-ly or mentally or whatever-ly.

But it all starts with that first elusive sentence: I wrote a novel. One of the simplest sentences to write and yet one of the most daunting tasks a person can undertake. So how does it get done? I'm not sure what most people do but I can tell you what I did. And you can take it or leave it. Let’s be honest, you’ll probably leave it.

Peace out, fool.

It started with a book I read last summer. I will not name the book. I will say that while I did somewhat enjoy said undisclosed novel, I felt it was a wee bit lacking. Not in a major way. Just in a *shrug* this book could have been better sorta way. What's a person to do when they are dissatisfied with a story? Rant at their best friend, but of course, which in turn leads to ideas for amazing stories that must be written like yesterday. And what's a writer to do? Well.Write. Duh.

So that's what I did. I sat down around midnight-ish and wrote 3000 words just like that. *snaps fingers* Then I edited it and shipped it off to the best who read it lightening quick (cause she's amazeballz) and responded with I WANT MORE!

An accurate depiction of the best after reading my offerings.

And I thought, why not? So I cranked up my jams, ignored the laundry, the kids, and life in general and wrote. I wrote every day and within a month I had roughly 50,000 words. BUT there was one small speed bump. My final semester of classes started. With a heavy heart and fingers that itched to write, I put good ole Fluff & Nonsense aside and picked up my textbooks (math, Spanish, and astronomy respectively). However, there was one saving grace. I was also taking my final creative writing class. In which, I had to meet with two professors weekly and turn in pages for them to critique. At first, they only wanted thirty pages. Then, they wanted forty. Then, they wanted fifty. When they asked for sixty, I begged for mercy being that I had to edit fifty plus pages, not to mention, pretend to speak Spanish, study the orbit of the Moon, and remember how to add and subtract equations or some other absurdity. Oh, and lest we forget my day job of keeping four kids alive.

My.Worse.Nightmare.

The wonderful thing about my portfolio class was the in-depth conversations I had with my professors. For the first time, I was discussing my characters with someone as if my characters were real life people. Please understand, for me, they are real people. I love my characters. I want the world for them. But I never expected others to feel the same. Not only did they care, but my professors enjoyed the story. And let me just say, they are not my target audience.

When the semester was over and I'd regained my sanity after the whirlwind holiday season, I jumped right back into writing. I shut the door, as Mr. King recommends, and I wrote daily. Whether it was ten words or ten thousand, I made sure every day I put a little more of the story down. By the end of January, I had a completed first draft. BOOM.

It happened just like this & there were cupcakes.

Then I set it aside, let the brain-brain rest, and tried not to peek at it. It drove the best and I crazy, but I was insistent on doing things the right way… for about a week, then I emailed the whole kit and caboodle to her and she read it in a night. Meanwhile, the mister took one for the team and read Fluff & Nonsense too.

And then, we all discussed. We discussed characters and plots and motivation and scenery and dialogue. We discussed the good and the bad and the ugly and the flat out horrid. We giggled and high fived. We cried and got flustered. Words cannot express the joy I experienced in those moments. I'd have to say, I believe it was detrimental to my writing process.

Oh, we danced. Don't you dare doubt it!

That is not the end of my story. Far from it. As I’m learning, it’s only the beginning. But it’s the most important part. Without the book everything that followed and everything that could potentially come is null and void.

As I search for a point to this long-winded post, I guess it comes down to a somewhat simple thought. When writing, it is important to reach out to other. To have a support system, cheerleaders with pom-poms ready who don’t mind texts at one in the morning about how you’ve just realized your main character has three different last names and you can’t decide which sounds best and will they please, for the love of sprinkles, sparkles, and cookies, just pick one out before you lose your damn mind.

People who will call you out when you’ve been slacking. People who will laugh with you and sometimes even at you. People who will believe in you, especially when you just can’t believe in yourself. People who will talk about your characters as if they were their best friends. People who won't tell you it's too hard to write a novel, but instead they'll say YOU CAN TOTALLY DO IT!

*takes a bow*

If you don’t have people, find them. They are out there. Check Twitter. Check Facebook. Check blogs. [Hey, look at you, you're already on a blog! *high five*] Check your local library. Check your local community college. Don’t have money for classes? Do what I did, sign up for some financial aid and give it a go.

Whatever you do, get yourself some people. Because you might write alone, but let’s be honest, you are writing because you have something to say, something to share. So find some people to share it with and listen to them. I think you’ll find that you’ll stop writing for money or fame or any of that other unimportant stuff and you’ll start writing for you and your people. And in return, you'll find the motivation to earn the right to type that ever elusive sentence: I wrote a novel. BOOM!

The Middle of the Ride

Mood music provided by Kim aka the bestie.

I've been a tad bit overwhelmed, a wee bit anxious, and overall freaking out. Simply a pleasure to live with, I tell ya! I'm an enthusiastic person and I try my best to remain positive, but please understand I'm a realist. I've done my homework and I know the depressing statistics. The probability of me getting published (in the traditional sorta way) is slim to none. However, it's far easier to deal with that stark reality when you're in the thick of writing a story. At least, it was for me.

I was so busy daydreaming and plotting and scheming and swooning and crying that I didn't have time to worry about queries and summaries and pitches and log-lines and cover letters and  line-edits and agents and markets and... *brain explodes*

All of it came crashing down on me last week. I couldn't sleep. I could hardly eat. My brain was a skipping record and the phrase on repeat-- you can't do this. you can't do this. you can't do this.

Drama. Drama. Drama.

I'm much better now. The best and the mister took turns slapping me, told me to get a hold of myself, and reminded me to take a deep breath, stop all the fretting, and get back to work. (I have no clue what I'd do without them.)

And that's exactly what I've been doing. I'm trying to focus on the things I can control. I can control the quality of my manuscript. I can control who I query and the quality of the letters I send out. I can control my attitude by maintaining a realistic yet hopeful mindset. Most importantly, I can keep myself in control, slow down, focus on taking one small step at a time, and not write myself off just yet.

I've been reminding myself how much I love to write and that I've been writing for years without worrying about impressing others, but for the pure joy of the experience. And most importantly, I've been focusing on one plain and simple truth-- the world will not end if my book doesn't get picked up by an agent.

Robert Frost said:

In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life. It goes on.

Just another simple, yet undeniable truth.

How do you maintain a positive attitude in the face of such insurmountable odds?

Now This Is All Me

Excuse me whilst I put on a lil mood music.

*dances*  *sings along with song::   lights turn on and dark turns outside,
blindside, dream big, you're next in line, it's plain
now this is all me, now this is all me*
Well, hey there. I bet you're asking yourself, Self, what's Ang up to?
And why the dance party?

Truth be told,  every day is a dance party 'round here, however,  on this day,  I have a most excellent reason for  flailing about like a loon. I have officially finished my third draft of Fluff & Nonsense. Lines have been edited, characters have been straightened out, plot holes ain't so holey, adverbs have been cut ruthlessly, dialogue tags are respectable saids & askeds, in general, it be a book.   What's up next?
Well, good ole Ang here, (and you always know someone means  bizness when they break out in the third person speak) needs to put on her big girl pants, write a few query letters, and *gulps* send them out to agents.
I know I'm heading toward rejection. Shhhhh...  Don't take that statement the wrong way. It's a fact. I will be rejected. I'm actually looking forward to it. I'm ready to earn my battle scars. Ready to see if I'm one crap-shoot away from winning big. 
I also know my wee lil story isn't perfect. More edits will be made. More of my soul, time, and energy shall be poured into it. But I think after a year of writing, a year filled with the good, the bad, and the ugly, it's time to take a leap of faith  and see if we can cap this year off with a bang. *crosses fingers*   For now, please excuse me whilst I dance. And feel free to join me! *tosses sprinkles & sparkles in the air* *twirls*  

Five for Friday -- With A Little Help From My Friends

It's Friday. 

I've got my Avenger tickets in my pocket

and a feel good vibe floating 'round inside my heart.

I think it's all the fairy dust in the air of late.

Whatever it may be,

I'm embracing it, jumpin' back in the saddle,

and putting together a fun times post complete with

cackles,

balloons, 

chocolate,

anthologies,

and marshmallow villains.

It will all make sense.
 

Ready. Steady. 

Let's get this party started!

1. This week in Tweet Tweet Land.

I made new friends.

It made my heart happy.

Here's why--

Sarah from re-raveling and I told fairy tales about eyelashes, big toes, and marshmallow men.

*out -- ya know how it goes on twitter. typos be running wild!

 Susi Holliday (who's blog is here) cackled and my heart sang.

Victoria Pearson (who's blog is here) came up with the best job EVER.

Jessica Grey (who's blog/website is here) wholeheartedly supported my decision to make a tumblr vs being productive in life.

p.s. I also made a pinterest, because ya know, I don't have enough to distract me.
*headdesk*

And my lovely friend Katie and I discussed Ben & Jerry's. 

word

2. This week in writing.

Speaking of Ben & Jerry's, 

this took place yesterday.

 Editing of Fluff, Nonsense, & Other Emo Crap commenced this week
and, let me just say, my brain-brain hurts.
It's a good thing the doctors decided I have two,
cause I'm pretty certain this whole process is gonna cause one to explode.

 3. This week in crazy awesome news that made my heart stop!!!
Speaking of exploding brains,
about a week ago I entered a flash fiction contest
hosted by @SJIHolliday & @ruanna3.
I do so declare it has been the best experience EVER!!!
Eighty-eight stories were submitted.
I've read every single one of them
and honestly adored them all.
There is no way I am going to win.
Having the privilege of playing a small role in this event has been my prize.
And then, low and behold, an announcement was made that knocked my socks off.

What is this wonderment @SJIHolliday is speaking of?
Why a published anthology of all the stories from the contest,
but of course.
ALL the stories, which means ME!
That's right, folks!!!
I'M GONNA BE A PUBLISHED WRITER!!!!
An actual physical book made of paper with stories in it
will have my name and my words in it!!!
I feel honored.
I feel stunned.
I feel verklempt!
I feel...
*brain-brain failure*

How doth one follow up that news?!
*ponders*
Oh, I know where to go next!

4. This week in heroes of the stache.
Speaking of feeling honored,
it's May and time for us to support our local staches.
This week I'm paying homage to a great hero of the stache--
Mr. Tom Selleck.

You, sir, are a god among staches.

Long live the stache!!

5. This week in yeah buddy.

And last, but oh so far from being least,
my family and I sent messages to our Rocketman last Saturday.

i love you, rocketman

It's been over a month since "the event."
It's weirdy in a far too comfortable kind of way.
And yet, I keep asking myself if it was all just a really bad dream
that I'm going to wake up from any day now.
*sighs*
For now,
I'm grabbing onto everything good and wonderful
and I'm refusing to let go.
Thanks to all of you for helping with the good and wonderful parts.
*hugs all around*
See ya on the flippy-flop.

Five For Friday

I've been sick--

like fever snot unpleasant sick.

Your welcome for sharing.

Let's move on, shall we?

How 'bout this week's Five for Friday?
Fridays are good and five is the best darn number in the world.

I can't see this going anywhere but Awesome Town.

How 'bout you?

1. This week in Greta is awesome.

My good bloggy friend Greta has a debut novel out

and I be sooooofa king excited for her!!

You can find her blog here.

Her Twitter account here.

Her Goodreads's page here.

Annnnnd you can buy her book here, here, here, and here.

What ya waiting for?! 

Check out her awesomeness immediately!!

I'm excited to read it very berry soon.

2. This week in Marie is wonderment.

An amazing friend of mine finally took my advice

and started her own book blog!! 

It's been a long time coming and I'm beyond freak-out-excited.

Marie is one of my go to book recommend-ers.

She's smart. She's witty. She's fun times, no doubt.

Pleasy cheesy check out her blog here and follow her on Twitter here.

You will not regret it!

3. This week in Doctor Who news.

 We be on season four. 

Things be getting cray cray.

My favorite thing about David Tennant,

he's either all CAPS & !!!! or ...

It's bloody brilliant.

You care about this update,

you do my friends,

you just don't know it yet.

4. This week in writing.

There she sits and there she remains.

In fact, I haven't touched good ole 

Fluff, Nonsense, & Other Emo Crap in a week.

(Remember that name is copy written, friends.

Again, I apologize for taking the world's greatest 

book title in the history of all the things!)

It's been surprisingly freeing not working on her

and I now completely understand why people 

suggest taking a break after finishing a big project. 

While I'm itching to get back to work,

I've decided to let her simmer until next week,

maybe longer. Who knows?

5. This week in funnies.

I'm sure everyone has already seen this
and the mister has informed me these be going out of style,

but I just can't help myself.

Good. Times.

I'm more of a Fruit Ninja kind of gal.

However, I do love me some bouncing cards.

And that's what I've got.

World defining thoughts, no doubt.

What can I say?
Five for Friday is going to change the world.

Happy Friday to all and to all a relaxing weekend!!

See ya on the flip-flop side.

On Writing: Take One

I wrote a book, like a book book, a book with words, a book with pages, a book with characters and plot and dialogue and tension and allll the things, all the things that make a book a story.

Why am I so surprised when I've done it before? Because this one, my friends, holds promise. It's not perfect. Oh my, is it ever not perfect. But there's something there, something special, something good, something new, something (dare I say it) worth reading. I can feel it, feel it as sure as my heart beats. And it's freaking me out.

Now before you roll your eyes at the cute noob, let me share with you a few things.

a. I have been writing for well over a decade. In that time, I've written multiple short stories, false started a few novels, and, in fact, wrote She Who Must Never Be Read, also known as The Novel Hidden in my Closet (literally). This is not the ramblings of an unseasoned writer. I've been there. I've done that. This is different. I assure you. Now you can roll your eyes.  

b. I am a self-deprecating mess. Nothing is ever good enough. Nothing will ever be good enough. And if anyone is willing to point out my faults, it would be me. I'm willing to climb my way to the tallest mountain top, hold up the world's largest megaphone, and proclaim to all my failings.

Let's get back to the book. Ya know, the one I wrote. The one I'm willing to fight for. The one I'm gonna beat down all my fears for. The one that's got me all tied up in knots.

Her name? Fluff, Nonsense, & Other Emo Crap. That's copy written, my friends. I know you are kicking yourself for not coming up with the world's most awesome book title. Take a moment. Grieve. I understand.

I started writing her last summer. I finished her about a month ago. Since that blessed day when I typed the last word followed by that all too final period, I've been in a state of freak out. What do I do next? 

I mean I know what to do next: find first readers, edit all the things, edit more of the things, get more readers,  just for fun edit more things, research all the agents, spend a million bucks on paper, printer ink, stamps, and envelopes of the perfect shape and size, stress over stuffing all aforementioned envelopes just right, redo envelopes when smallest lil cutie finds them and gets paint all over them, decide one more round of editing wouldn't hurt, finally mail all the envelopes, wait to hear from all the agents, kick myself over a typo found on page 1, continue to wait for what feels like years to hear from all the agents, get rejected by all the agents-- rinse and repeat. It's a run-on sentence from hell.

I know that part by heart. Every writer's blog, agent's blog, and expert-on-writing-because-of-goodness-only-knows-what-reason's blog will share with you the dismal facts.

Fact 1: Your book is never polished enough. Go back and keep editing.

Fact 2: It is more likely that an alien will abduct you than you getting published.

Fact 3: Your query letter sucks. Rewrite it.

Fact 4: Did I mention you've got a snowball's chance in hell of a. impressing me and b. getting published? Just wanted to make sure that was clear. Good luck!

Go ahead, let it wash over you, take in the depressing reality. [insert sigh] Annnnnd moving on.

See, since that moment when I finished good ole Fluff, Nonsense, & Other Emo Crap, I have been going full speed, my brain-brain jumping from one thought to the next-- confused and unable to think. I feel small. I feel unworthy. I feel lost, weak, overwhelmed, uncool. It's high school all over, people, and frankly, it sucks a whole lot of arse. 

I've come to realize something: I've been so busy worrying about how to impress the literary gods that be, I forgot to celebrate the moment. I forgot I didn't write this book for them, but for me, for those people out there who are like me, for the simple joy of writing, creating, dreaming, living.

With that in mind, I am climbing to the tip top of the tallest mountain, taking out the gigantic megaphone I keep in my back pocket at all times, and declaring to all the world:

I WROTE A FREAKING BOOK AND I LOVE IT!!!!! 

Gosh, that felt good. I highly recommend you do it too! Maybe you haven't written a book, maybe it's a kick arse scene you've been dreaming about for weeks on end or maybe it's a witty dialogue thread that cracks you up or maybe you had "that moment," you know the one when the idea that's been festering in the back of your brain-brain finally clicks into place, or maybe you just so happened to write a thousand words today and that's the most you've ever written in any sitting and you are dying to share it with someone.

Whatever writing goal you hit today, be it an amazing sentence or a whole damn book, celebrate it! Rejoice! You are awesome!! No, really, you are. Pat yourself on the back, pick up your favorite treat, and realize you've done something billions of people only wished they could do:

You are living out your dream.

You are a writer. 

You're doing it. 

Never lose sight of that one simple amazing fact.